The Word That Grows Friendships

I think if we’re honest, we all crave those friendships that feel comfortable. Like we’ve known each other forever, and can drop by with ice cream on a hard day. I know that’s the kind of friendships I love. We all want to have those people who we can call to celebrate with, and to cry with. The people who just get us, who know us, who understand how we function.

But these friendships don’t just happen. I would venture to say that most friendships like that would take months – if not years – of intentional investment to grow into something so solid and so deep.

There is a word that grows friendships.

This word, it causes people to open up. It causes margin in your life to spend time with the people that you love. It causes trust to be built. Friendships to deepen. Relationships to grow.

This one little word. Makes a big difference.

YES.

Oh, I know. I know. There are so many things in life asking for our attention. There are so many things demanding our time, and our energy. And we give our YES to so many places.

But when we CHOOSE to give our YES to the people in our lives, that is the thing that will bring more refreshment than any other thing we say yes to.

In the midst of wedding season, we had one spare weekend. Our friends, The Armstrong’s, asked us if we wanted to spend the weekend with them in Portland to celebrate Alex’s birthday. To be honest, it would have been easy to say no. It would have been easy to proclaim how busy life was, and how we needed this weekend to sit and home and binge watch Netflix, all in the name of relaxation.

But Kyle and I know that our friendship with these two people is something that we want to say YES to. It is something that brings us life, and laughter, and a whole lot of fun. So, we packed our Volvo and drove with them 3 hours South.

The weekend could not have been better. Okay, lies, it could have been better if it was really for 3 months and we had unlimited cash to spend on all of the delicious food. How can so much good food be in such a close proximity? We basically ate and shopped for 3 whole days. It was amazing.

And when we came got home, it was obvious that we were closer than we were at the beginning of the trip. It probably would not have been the same result if we would have said NO. In fact, I know it would not have been the same.

People are the thing that I want to say YES to.

And yes, sometimes, I have to say NO when I have a deadline, or a migraine, or too much on my plate. And my people understand. Your people will too.

But if you get used to saying no, I’m gonna tell you. People might quit asking. They are going to grow tired, and sad, and find some new people who will say YES to them.

While you are feeling lonely, or overwhelmed, or frustrated with the condition of your house, it might be easy to say no to people. To want to stay at home and spend your spare moments getting a handle on all that life has thrown at you. But when your friend calls and asks if you are free for dinner, or coffee, or a trip to Target – saying YES is going to be the hard choice. But I think it’s the hard right choice. Because ALL OF THE OTHER STUFF WILL STILL BE THERE TOMORROW. So if you take a night off, and the dishes pile up – it’s going to be okay. You can tackle the mountain of laundry tomorrow if you want to spend tonight at a concert with your best friend.

I’m not saying that it’s always easy.

I think deep friendships will always cost you something.

They are going to cost you hours of sleep while you spend time laughing.

They are going to cost you money, while you adventure together.

They are going to cost you your comfort – because vulnerability is not always comfortable.

They are going to cost you time, because nothing grows when there is no time invested.

But with great cost, comes even greater reward.

This life that we’re living, between grocery trips & chores, between to-do lists & cleaning up the house, between work & sleep…this life is so much better when we fill those hours with laughter, and full dining tables full of friends and family, or weekend camping trips, or hour long coffee dates, or pedicures, or phone calls to our friends who have moved away.

Friends, here’s what I know. That people are the best place to put our time, this life is so much richer with them.